25 weeks

I'm 25 weeks today. This is a point which I never thought I would reach. I was convinced I was destined to be infertile and childless for the rest of my life. And it killed me to think that way about myself but it's true. This morning on the T ride to work a woman behind me yelled and tormented her son the entire way into the city. He was no older than 4 or 5 and she screamed at him and threatened him to do as she told and then threatened to take everything away from him if he didn't obey. The thing is, he was just sitting there. I didn't understand what she wanted. He wasn't crying or whinning or disobeying anything. He was just sitting there silently afraid to move. You could tell this was a common occurrence between her and her son. All the innocent bystanders kept looking at each other in disgust. None of us knew what to do to protect this little boy and yet all of us knew if we tried to intervene , his mom would kick our ass. As I got off the T to go to work. I couldn't help but think "why does this woman have children and I don't?"




I had a doctors appointment tuesday night. I found out I gained 5 pounds!! Wow!! The nurse said she'd never seen a pregnant woman so happy to have gained weight before. I think my doctor ended up being more happy than me. Apparently, according to her, it was extremely late to gain weight. But she was very proud. Then she proceeds to tell me I better be eating healthy. Well what do you want?? I lost 3 pounds while trying to eat healthy and gained 5 pounds when I just ate anything I wanted. So it's either eat healthy or gain weight. You pick, doc.

Speaking of food, I want to express my obsession with a friendly neighborhood joint called taco bell. It had been a very important part of my life since my early teens when they first came to town and formed a combo restaurant with KFC. My life has never been the same. I'm not sure why my husband doesn't share my love of "the bell". He likes it as much as the next person I suppose. But me, I fiend for it like a hungry lioness in the savannah. I want it with so much intensity that I will take no substitutions. So when I moved out to pittsburgh 5 years ago it was quite delighting to have a taco bell nearby tom's parents apartment (where we stayed for the first 4 months upon moving here). As I drove back and forth to my mall jobs at mimi maternity and american eagle I would stop at taco bell almost everyday and eat it in my car in the parking lot. I felt bad because his parents didn't understand why I loved it and always suggested that I eat what they cooked. Well I was depressed about losing my house in NY and having to move in with someone and start my life over again away from my family and the only thing that could soothe me was tacos, nachos and burritos. And they were required to be from taco bell. When we moved out to our own apartment, it just so happened that there was no taco bell drive thru near us. We actually had to go into the mall food court and pick it up. Luckily I worked in that mall for the next 2 years after that and I had taco bell at my fingertips. But now that I'm working in the city I am not near a taco bell that is convenient for me. Being pregnant... that is utterly devastating. I need my fix like you have no idea! And this is coming from someone who likes to eat organic and healthy so this is obviously my exception. And unfortunately I don't have one of those husbands who is willing to go out at will and get my pregnancy cravings by request. So now I'm kinda stuck without taco bell unless I drive myself. Maybe I can convince him at some point.  But hey... I'm not so sure what I'd be willing to do for my pregnant wife in this weather either. 

Honestly Pregnant,
Jen