Tuesday, March 30, 2010

11 weeks to go

I've been very busy lately getting the baby's room ready. Every spare moment I have is either shopping for things Lauren needs or putting together furniture or painting or making her things like the hand painted letters to the left. And the moments I am not working on her stuff I am trying to rest. I don't sleep much anymore and when I do it's interrupted often. I pee constantly through the night and I can't breathe with all the congestion and cramped lung space. I've been feeling more and more pressure on my bladder each day. It's very different than the first trimester peeing marathon. That was an unexplained urge to pee constantly. This time I feel actual pressure in addition to the swift kicks and punches directly on my bladder. She's growing steady now and I feel more and more confidant in her health and survival. Each week that passes I realize that she might actually come into this world alive and kickin. I know that seems odd that I question whether or not she'll survive but I'm a worrier by nature and this has been taken from me before so it's hard to believe that she'll really be here. Plus for me I think it's been extra hard because people are constantly commenting that I don't look pregnant and that I have no belly. I know I've only gained 3 pounds but my belly has been growing since day one and it seems like the only time I have actually looked pregnant has been when I wear really tight clothes which is not what I wear in public. The pictures you see on this website are the only outfits that show off my belly.  Only recently in the passed few weeks have people noticed my belly at work. I had my first stranger ask my due date at the craft store on saturday. That was weird. I assume people can't tell that I am pregnant so no one asks and I don't talk about it. So naturally I still have that "am I really pregnant?" feeling deep inside. I know I'm pregnant (obviously) but I just have that suspicion that she's not officially ok until I hold her in my arms. I feel this is a really common feeling among pregnant women and that is why I am always amazed when I meet a pregnant woman who has no doubt that her baby will turn out just fine.  I dont know how she can trust it so much.  I trust more and more each day and hopefully in 11 weeks or so she will be here and I will breathe a sigh of relief. 

Honestly Pregnant,
Jen

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I felt the exact same way, and I am sure the next time I will too. I think it is completely normal to worry during pregnancy. The moment you see her and count her fingers and toes and see that she is perfect will be the best most exciting and emotional moment of your life. I litteraly sobbed on the operating room table, after the doctor showed Kaelyn to me. Even as they started my cesarean I was thinking to myself, please oh please let her look like a baby, which sounds kinda crazy, but even though you have ultrasounds, and all that, it still was hard to believe there was an actual perfect little human inside my belly. After I saw her I was happy, elated and relieved. Then came a whole new set of worries...Haha...but that is motherhood!