Sunday, January 31, 2010

Baby Registry

I went to Target last night and started my registry. I tried to be very conscience of the organic and BPA free options. I researched like crazy before going to Target as to what I will need on this registry. I made a list of all the items that experienced mom blogs gave me. There was some stuff I never thought of like a thermometer, knit hats and nail clippers. But i pretty much knew about everything else i would need. I just needed to organize it in my mind and that i needed help with. I didn't want to walk into the store and be overwhelmed and feel like i was forgetting things. I picked a few basic clothing necessities in sizes 0-3 and 3-6 just in case Little Lauren decides to come out as Big Lauren. Just pajamas, gowns, onsies, socks, booties and mittens. I'll wait till she's born to stock up on baby clothes and try to live off of hand me downs and used clothing at first. But I'm sure people will buy me some new outfits at the shower whether I register for them or not. I also found a travel mini pack-n-play thingy for $45 on clearance so I had to buy that immediately. I think I will use it as a bassinet beside my bed. Tom and I also picked out a pink paint color for her room. He's going to wait till spring to start painting. We also went to Joanne fabrics and returned the pink striped fabric we bought to make curtains the day we found out we were having a girl. We didn't buy enough and it's now discontinued. So instead I bought a bunch of different girly fabric including cupcake patterns and I will make her a quilt with the sewing machine I got for Christmas. I can't wait to get back into practice with this sewing machine so I can start quilting!! I picked pink cupcakes as her room theme. I won't go overboard (i hope) but i love the cuteness of a cupcake. Its so girly and pink and soft and sweet. I can't wait to start decorating.

So...... Lauren has been wiggling and jiggling around in my belly and i can definitely feel it every day now. She's like the jello commercial "wigglin jigglin spree!!" Her kicks are so soft and delicate at this point. I don't feel them unless i am sitting still and they don't last very long. She just does a quick dance and then i assume (in my mind) that it's enough to tire her out and she falls asleep. I can't wait until I feel her more regularly and with more strength. I want Tom to be able to feel his little daughter in my belly. I can't feel it from the outside yet. I can't wait for that moment to see the look on his face when he feels the first kick. I don't have a moment where i felt a first kick because I was never sure whether or not it was really a kick. So for that, I am jealous.

Well I have a big day of peeing and burping ahead of me. I better get crackin!!
(PS I've already peed 6 times and it's not even 10 am!)

Honestly Pregnant,

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Pretty soon, I'm gonna weigh a million pounds

Here at 20 weeks I finally have my appetite back. I think it's my body's way of telling me to start gaining weight since I haven't gained any. I haven't had any pregnancy cravings at all. I was wondering If that was even true that women wanted food so bad at 3am that they'd make their other half run out and get it NOW! I have heard the stories of cravings but we'll see if it actually happens to me. I more or less just feel intense hunger that I can't get to food fast enough and when I get it, I can't get it in my mouth fast enough and I can't stop eating once I start. It's an odd strange feeling. Pretty soon I'm gonna weigh a million pounds if I keep it up.

A girl went into labor at work yesterday. She seemed so calm about it. But maybe she was just shocked. She was only 35 weeks and she had a c-section scheduled for 37 weeks so I wonder how this will turn out. I'll have to wait until monday to find out. That's something that worries me about my previa. I can't go into labor because I could bleed out and die. My doctor seemed confident that my previa should definitely resolve itself. But the tech at the ultrasound office said that's not always the case.

Last night I had the hardest time trying to sleep. I slept so well this whole pregnancy until the last couple of days. It seems that I can't get a comfortable position unless I'm laying on my back. And I know I'm not supposed to lay on my back so I try to lay on my side and I hate it more than anything. I tried putting a pillow behind my back to keep me from rolling over but either it falls off the bed or my husband steals it in his sleep depending which side I lay on. I'm also starting to have really vivid dreams. It's scary to think that the first few months might have been the only time in my life I will ever have peaceful sleep. I'm generally an insomniac. I have been my whole life. I was loving the way I slept and now it's being taken away. Crap crap crap!!

Well today is a big day for me and my husband. It's registry day. I'm going to head to Target and Babies R Us and get this thing started. I have no clue what I'm doing but I have an idea list which I will include the dimensions of the rooms windows and walls so I can get the right stuff. My shower won't be until April but I want to take my time and gradually add things as I go. Maybe I'll get some more bras. I think I'm up to a D by now. Yikes!!!


Thursday, January 28, 2010

20 Weeks

Today I'm at my halfway point, 20 weeks. I never thought I'd make it this far so you can imagine how I feel about giving birth. This pregnancy seems like it's been going on for years. I can't understand why some people tell me it will fly by. Every moment is longer. Every day makes me more impatient. Every doctors visit seems to be light years away. The milestones of pregnancy, the heartbeats, the gender reveal, the first kick, outgrowing your clothes seem to take forever. At first, when people asked how far along I was, I would lie and round up to the next week because I wanted so badly to be farther along. I still feel that way, however I am honest about my dates now. I have to be Honestly Pregnant after all!! But I think it's interesting that before I was pregnant, women would tell me how precious pregnancy was. How they treasured having a life inside them and feeling the bond and the connection with the baby. They thought it was so sweet that I was trying to get pregnant and felt sympathy when it took me so long. But now these same women are finally letting the truth out and revealing how miserable and painful this whole thing is. It's odd that there is some kind of evolutionary conspiracy going on with women that they aren't telling the whole truth until there's no turning back. Of course the child is completely worth all the agony. I just would've appreciated a heads up, ladies.

My heads up on pregnancy would be the things I experienced. I understand every person is different. Here's what I've gone through so far:
You will feel more tired than you have ever felt in your entire life. Your boobs will hurts so bad you will cry. You will be so sick to your stomach that you're positive you will die. You will not start looking pregnant until about halfway or more into your pregnancy and it will piss you off because in general, people assume you can't possibly be sick or uncomfortable unless you are huge. You will have crazy weird dreams. Your hair will get really stringy and lose pigment. Your skin will dry out so bad you will never be able to keep up with enough moisturizer. Your skin will get very bumpy and blotchy and zity. You'll feel dizzy, so dizzy in fact that you will fall down and black out. You'll be so thirsty you can't get enough. Your back will ache and walking will be painful. Your belly will grow dark hair down the middle. You will eat with ravenous hunger or turn down entire meals depending on the moment. You will feel extremely unsexy. You will feel impatient for each doctors appt and each week to go by. You will have crazy wicked gas and heartburn. You will pee so much that sometimes you will turn right back around and go again right after you've finished peeing. And last but not least you will feel very accomplished and proud about the amazing life you are carrying around inside you.

If you are curious as to why these symptoms happen to pregnant women, Dr Oz's book You: having a baby is amazing at explaining it. For instance the nausea is to keep you eating bland safe foods to give you a better chance of survival. This is an evolutionary trait for the times of unsafe spoiled meats and contaminated plants before we became accustomed to the world of generally safe foods we live in today.

I hope you don't suffer all of the things that I did. But if you do, you're not alone. And remember to share those feelings and symptoms with other women. Especially women who haven't had babies so they know what they're in for. It's quite a shock when you aren't expecting it.

Honestly Pregnant,

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Your boobs are HUGE"

So last night I was proudly applying my nightly layer of Burt's Bees Mama Bee Belly Balm when my husband looked over and stared with the widest eyes I've ever seen. I felt his eyes and looked up "what?" I said. To which he replied "Your boobs are HUGE!". It probably was enhanced by the layer of thick shea butter I was rubbing all over them. I felt bad for the poor guy. Sorry buddy.... as soon as this placenta moves away from my cervix, I'm all yours. Well of course, that probably won't be for another four and a half months.... oh yeah and then six weeks of healing time after that. But don't think you're the only one suffering here.

If you're not familiar with placenta previa. I suggest you learn because it could very well happen to you someday, if you're pregnant of course. Typically when you conceive, the placenta latches on to the upper part of your uterus. This is the organ your hormones make out of thin air all on it's own. The umbilical cord is the lifeline that goes from the placenta to your darling little guy/girl inside. But in rare cases this will attach to the lower part of your uterus and either completely or totally cover your cervix making it impossible to deliver naturally. You with me so far? Cuz here's the best part, due to the location it is very important that you do not irritate the cervix because all kinds of bleeding and premature labor can happen. So no lifting, no strenuous exercise, no sex. In most cases the expanding of the uterus will stretch like a balloon and since the placenta is anchored, it will move as the stretching occurs and it generally moves away from the cervix before delivery. I've had two ultrasounds and mine has not moved at all. But like I said I'm only halfway. I have plenty of time. It's pretty scary actually when you look up the true medical explanation of this condition. But at the moment I'm just bummed about the things I am forbidden to do. Another reason this kid should be sent to the naughty corner directly after she's born.
Honestly Pregnant,

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Green Baby

I plan to raise my child as healthy and organically as I can. I believe it is very important to eat a proper diet without all that gunk that makes our food shinier, bigger, brighter, prettier or grow faster. I also plan to keep away all bad plastic from my little one that I possibly can. I understand she will end up with unhealthy foods and plastics in school, friends houses and so on but I plan to limit this to the best of my ability so that I know I did the best I could. The big concerns I have are high fructose corn syrup, pesticides, metals, and hormones in dairy and plastic. I'm always looking for new brands and generic alternatives to organic foods and body products. Any extra suggestions on websites, mommy tips and helpful hints are appreciated. My little girl will appreciate it too. I'm currently reading
Dr. Sears' Happy Baby: The Organic Guide to Baby's First 24 Months. The book assumes that I've already given birth so a lot of the information is for further in the future. But this Friday I will be buying Dr Sears' Vaccine Book so I can learn how not to play russian roulette with my baby's tiny life. I won't debate vaccines here because I want more information first. I would also recommend You: Having A Baby by Dr Oz. It was a nice reference type book to flip open on specific subjects for graphs and charts and drawings. What To Expect When You're Expecting is also a good reference book to see what is going on inside week by week. It also tells you what kind of symptoms to expect month by month. It's nice to keep bookmarked on your month and read it at the beginning of each week. But it's not very detailed information on your own body. It tells you a symptom but doesn't explain why or how to remedy the pain. Dr Oz was very good at explaining all that stuff. I wish I could catch Dr Oz in a jar with a holey lid, a stick and a leaf and keep him forever as my little "information station in a jar".

So far the past few weeks have been a horrible pain in the ass, literally. Oh the "joys" of pregnancy sciatic nerve pain. The fact that the doctor looked me right in the eye and said, "the only cure for you is to give birth" with the most serious face you ever saw just really breaks my heart. Good thing I love this little mango inside me with every breath I take or else she'd be right in the naughty corner the second she pops out for all this pain she's causing. Luckily, today I had a break from the pain. It randomly went away and I hope it stays that way. Word on the preggo street is that it will continue to come and go. Another thing happening that doesn't seem to benefit me or baby is acne. Yup, I FEEL like all those kids LOOKED back in school. I never had the pleasure of a chronically zity face, thank goodness. But I'm getting payback for it now. The terrible part is that I can't use any zit cream or spot treatment. I guess I have to suffer being both fat and filled with pimply bumps... thanks nature.

Honestly Pregnant,

Monday, January 25, 2010


I wake up everyday very early in the morning and struggle to get myself dressed and ready for work in time. Pretty much every single morning I think to myself "how am I going to have time to feed, change, dress and drop off a baby at daycare?". It's a terrible fear I can't get out of my head because I know that I will have to wake up AT LEAST an extra hour early which will be around 5am. But I'm guessing I may have to wake up even earlier. And on top of that my child is obviously not going to sleep through the night. So is this just how my life is going to be? Because I don't agree that humans can function on chronic sleep loss. I can just envision myself getting checked into a hospital for exhaustion.

But enough of that terror.

I guess I should be glad for the time I have left as just the two of us for the next few months. Even though it isn't exactly what I'd call "quality time". Week 1- 6 was constant anxiety and paralyzing fear of miscarriage. Week 6-12 was the worst sickness you could ever imagine. It was worse than the flu combined with hell. It was pain I could not ever describe. Just day and night of terrible vomit, fatigue, dizziness and aches and pains. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Week 12 was when I learned about my placenta previa which shut down any fun I could have had for the rest of my pregnancy. But that was also the week I first saw a heartbeat on an ultrasound. That was quite a special moment but it didn't reduce my fears of miscarriage. I guess once you have one you can never fully trust in your own body again. Week 13 to this current week 19 I have felt great nausea relief yet the sciatic pain, migraines and heartburn have taken over. Oh and not to mention the expanding belly. It's a cute belly I suppose... if you ignore the garden of hair growing all over it.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Big Fat Positive Story

Hello, my name is Jennifer and i am 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. I've decided to write a blog about this "miracle" to chronicle the aches and pains of pregnancy. My hope is that in doing so i will find many other moms who i can identify with along the way.

To my knowledge pregnancy was going to be an amazing world of bliss where i got to bond with my baby inside and feel the magical flutters of life growing and cuddling inside me. I'm not a fool of course so i knew there would be pain involved and perhaps some unpleasant side effects. But i was not prepared at all for the changes i was about to stumble into.

I first became pregnant in January 2009 after several months of trying with my husband of 1 year, Tom. We immediatly fell into each other with giggles and happy thoughts of our little bundle of joy, what to name it, how to raise it, maternity leave, money, immunizations, pediatricians... it goes on and on. We confirmed with a blood test and then called every human we knew who had an ear and a heart about the new journey in our life. The congratulations cards, calls, texts and emails came flooding in. About 7 weeks in, i miscarried the baby and our little dream life was shattered. Then came the summer of gloom. I honestly dont remember a thing from that whole summer. You'd have to remind me what went on because i have no knowledge of it. I walked around like a zombie for months. I gained weight, started drinking heavier, lost sleep and suffered the congratulatory words of people that somehow didnt know what had happened. It was like reliving it to have to tell it over and over. Somewhere along the summer, i still couldnt pick my head up so i decided to fake my recovery. I started a diet plan, exercise plan and started toying with the idea of going to therapy. I threw myself into my fake life and before i knew it i actually started feeling better. But there was still this nagging post traumatic stress that i couldnt shake off. So i decided to enter into therapy for real and also obsessively started researching fertility doctors and treatment. I blamed my anxiety due to it's severity and hoped the therapy would do the trick. The therapy became helpful but she didnt seem to really get that i was just there to lower my anxiety levels for the sole purpose of conceiving a baby. Maybe that was very shallow of me that i thought thats the only issues we would address in therapy. Stupid me! So in september 2009 after a year of trying, counting from the first day we started and trying to look at the miscarriage as not a succesful pregnancy, Tom and i went to a fertility clinic. After meeting with the doctor and finding out that he considered a miscarriage a "success" and we really should have waited until March of 2010 on the anniversary of the miscarriage to start treatment, we were crushed. Here it was a year later still with no baby and this doc is telling me to wait longer!! I had never felt so defeated. He offered to do some testing anyway and we agreed. The plan he gave us was wait for a period and call immediatly to set things up. And thats when it all happened!!! The BIG FAT POSITIVE on October 8, 2009! I stood in shock in the bathroom next to Tom for an eternity just staring at the test. I couldnt believe we were about to go for fertility testing that weekend and now i was pregnant. I quit therapy and called my obgyn. Thats when this new journey all began.

Over the next 20+ weeks i will tell you more about my pregnancy and how this little tiny ball of cells could cause so much pain and misery to a happy expecting mother. :-)

See you next time,