The kid has hair!

There are 24 days left until my due date. That's pretty spectacular considering this whole ordeal has taken a lifetime. I had an ultrasound this morning. My doctor ordered one when she found I was measuring a bit small at last weeks appointment. I measured 33 weeks when I was truly 35 weeks. The ultrasound went great as far as I know. She was in the exact position I knew she was in. Head down very very low, butt to my right side, feet to my left side. She HAS dropped down and yet she is still up into my ribs. That's probably why people think she hasn't dropped down yet. That's what I get for being 5 feet tall. The technician measured her at 35 weeks when she is truly a day shy of 37 weeks. She said everything looked fantastic and healthy but that she was just small. She estimated her weight at a little over 5 pounds right now. And then..... then we saw THE HAIR! I never knew you could see hair in an ultrasound but there it was! Tons and tons of it! The tech was even amazed at all that hair. I'm not going to know one thing about styling that lil peanut's super thick hair. My hair is as thin and fine and straight as it comes.




I have my 37 week check up with my OB tomorrow and she'll give me some more details on the ultrasound. She will also check to see if I'm dilated at all and do the icky strep b test. I'll probably cry again as I am a huge wimp and can't really take much of this stress very easily. Last week I was in tears shaking at my appointment. I think maybe it was because this is all actually going to happen. I assumed since I've been pregnant for 3 lifetimes that D-day was never going to come and yet here it is actually coming. It's freaking me out. I'm ready in my head but when it comes down to actually checking how close I am to delivery, well that's a different story. I feel really alone. And no matter how many people say they are there for me, I still have to do this for myself. No one else has to lay half naked on a bed exposed and vulnerable and in terrible pain and push a human out of their body. I mean, I know other people have to do it, but I am responsible to push MY baby out. And that's a lot of pressure. I so desperately want to meet my daughter but I would rather sky dive in a thunderstorm than give birth. I know I said previously that I wasn't scared to give birth and honestly, I didn't think I was until recently. Something hit me in the last few days as I was trying to analyze why I got so scared at my last appointment and that's when I realized I'm terrified to be away from the comfort of my home and go through such an agonizing ordeal. It was so subconscious that I didn't even notice because I didn't have to think about it since it was light years away. Well, it's here.



I look around me and there are mothers everywhere. And I think how did they do it? How do they continue living? How did they not have a heart attack out of fear? These same women tell me I can do this. These women are so brave. Especially the mamas who have endured this more than once. I'm sure you felt the way I feel now at some point. Scared, stressed and breakable. I'm telling you right now, for all these waves of emotion, fear and pain, she better be effin cute.

Honestly Pregnant,
Jen