Dreaming

There are many dreams and aspirations I have for my daughter. I know even with endless hopes and wishes, she will still be her own person in the end. But I can't help but think of the girl she will soon be. It's actually pretty exciting to wonder who she'll end up becoming. I want to teach Lauren she will always be good enough no matter what. That all the beauty and brains in the whole world won't make you a good person. You have to be genuine and honest and make it your mission to leave the earth better than it was when you entered it. You won't be liked by everyone and you certainly won't like everyone. But I want her to be strong and think for herself. I want her to stand her ground and stick up for herself. But I also want to teach her the importance of being the bigger person and backing down sometimes when it's the right thing to do. I want her to apologize when she is wrong but not to ever apologize for the person she is. And the biggest one of all, despite both Tom and I being atheist, I do want her to make an informed decision about spirituality whether it be her faith in organized religion or not. I want her to have the free will to follow whatever direction her heart takes her. I do, however, want her to know that even if I'm not happy with some of her choices I will still love her with every breath I take. Her happiness will always be a priority to me as long as she understands that happiness isn't about getting what you want. It's about liking who you are.




Yesterday was mother's day. We did no celebrating at the Pushic household. I was informed by Tom that this year didn't count. It sounds harsh but I completely understand. As unsuperstitious as Tom is, he will sometimes hold on to a jinx theory very strongly. He felt as though even saying "happy mother's day" to me would be jinxing our chances of having a healthy child next month. If I celebrated being a mother before I actually became a mother then I would be getting ahead of myself. I see what he sees, I do, but I feel that I am a mom already. I felt I was a mom even with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. I know it's all technical and I have not actually mothered any children. But they are still my children and I still love them just the same.



So instead of any formal mother's day celebrating, I decided to celebrate by putting my hospital bag, diaper bag and car seat in the car yesterday. I'm not due for another 5 weeks but I figured it's either sitting in my house or my car...might as well sit in the car. Bring it on labor...I'm ready! (kinda)

Honestly Pregnant,
Jen