A brand new day

I woke up this morning and realized I had one thing to do today... call my doctor.  This anxiety cannot continue the way I have allowed it to. Letting my panic run my life has been my biggest mistake.  So I sat in front of my phone with my heart pounding waiting for the clock to hit 8:30am when my doctors office opened. Nervously shaken and not sure what to say, I finally dialed the number and told them I needed help. Big help.  They said blah blah blah taking care of a newborn is very stressful and hard and it can take down even the toughest woman. But my experience with Lauren is the complete opposite.  She is a wonderful easy going baby. She is not contributing to my anxiety at all. Well not directly.  My fears that I cannot be with her at all times have worn me down to a permanently jaw clenched and exhausted mama.  My doctor suggested therapy and I explained how a $30 copay twice a week would bankrupt me and I needed help now! I can't go on with my life knowing a panic attack could strike at any time. I do believe therapy could help some people but I've tried it and I suffered more anxiety through those sessions than ever before.  I couldn't even eat on days that I had an appointment. So my doctor said he would call in zoloft for me. As those words fell out of his mouth I felt my chest open up and the weight of this fearful panic lifted off of me.  I suddenly felt hope for the future that I haven't felt ever in my life.  I envisioned more smiles and more satisfaction coming my way and it felt so good.  Let me say it again.  IT FELT SO GOOD!

So today begins a brand new life for me and my family.  Hopefully this will help me to be a better wife and a better mom by taking care of my own mental health. I do it all for them.  How can I not? I mean look at this face!

Honestly,
Jen