Thursday, July 22, 2010

It makes me melt into a puddle of love

I had my follow up doctor's appointment two days ago. It was so amazing to get the chance to bring Lauren in to the office and show her off to all the nurses and to the doctor that brought her into the world.  My doctor just ate her up and it was so precious to see my beautiful daughter in her arms. I got to hug her and thank her for taking care of me throughout the pregnancy and for calming me down when I freaked out in the operating room before my c-section. She assured me that being scared meant I was a good mother for worrying what would happen to her and me.  At the appointment the nurse let me weigh Lauren on the scale and that little piggy was nine and a half pounds! I, however, was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight which was a big relief. I didn't gain much over the recommended guideline so I was hoping to jump back down pretty quickly.  There are many women I've talked to who gained weight like they were eating at a buffet full of babies and it almost made me wonder "how many babies are actually inside you?" I know I gained a lot of water weight, which really pissed me off, because a pound is pound and that's all that mattered to me. I would cry when leaving the doctor's office each time because I was told not to go over twenty-five pounds and I'm a person who takes doctor's orders very seriously.  Although this seems backwards, health was not my concern while pregnant. I was so sick that just keeping calories down was cause for celebration.  Anything that I craved, I ate, but always in tiny portions because that's all I could get down.  My concern was always not to gain too much weight so that after I had the baby I wouldn't look pregnant anymore. It was ok to have a swollen belly after birth because the uterus takes time to shrink but there shouldn't be extra fat on your body.  I still don't understand why you are suposed to gain weight when you are pregnant anyway.  And I mean extra weight on your own body other than the products of a baby.


Here's me at forty weeks. I snapped this picture after my doctor told me to go to the hospital to get induced. We ran home and I jumped in front of the camera with this very scared look on my face.




I'm sorry I don't have an "after" picture for you.  I hope to get one up soon.  Hopefully I will remain at this weight. My life with a newborn has brought on lots of ice cream and fast food since I am too tired to cook.  I really thought I would have a really great time on maternity leave but my TMJ has gotten the worst it has ever been and the sleep deprivation is bru-tal! So it has just been really easy to order food or frequent the drive-through. On top of that I have been stuck inside due to temperatures in the 90's and 100's. My visions of walking my newborn in the park have been seriously crushed.  The five weeks I have been home, we have had maybe two or three days where it was decent enough to take Lauren outside before 7pm. I think I'm seriously losing my mind being indoors constantly. The fact that I have my little lollipop with me has made it bearable. And today she shared her first real smile with me.... you know, other than those sleepy smiles which are adorable but not reactive. I didn't catch the first one on video but here she is repeating that life changing moment.



It makes me melt into a puddle of love for my little Lauren girl.

Honestly,
Jen

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