Time for birth control

When I got pregnant with Lauren I was immediately terrified of postpartum depression. I just assumed I would sink down into a black hole and not have the ability to care for my own child. I feared that I would lay in bed all day and all the possibilities that would happen that would tear my marriage apart and cause me to be unable to love my child. And worst of all, would I even recognize the symptoms? Then guess what happened?  I gave birth and the exact opposite happened.  I'm so in love with this petite creature that I stalk her in her crib while she sleeps and wait for a chance to hold her again. I've only left her twice since she's been born. Once while I went to have lunch with a friend while Tom's aunt watched her for a few hours and once last night while Tom and I went to red lobster for a dinner that was promised to me while I was in labor. As the long painful hours of contractions progressed Tom kept promising me the ultimate feast dinner which is unarguably the most delicious meal on the planet.  Shrimp scampi, snow crab legs, lobster tail, fried shrimp and baked potato all on one plate. Yum! Now I don't like leaving her one bit but Tom convinced me that I needed to get out for a break from all the poop and boob suckling and take advantage of all the breast milk I have stored up in the freezer. We ended up going to pick up pictures of Lauren i had ordered, then going to Babies R Us, then spending the entire dinner talking about her, of course. After dinner and a few drinks, we couldn't think of anything else to do so we came home at the wee late hour of 8pm to kiss her toes and tickle her nose. Tom's mom ended up staying for a little bit while we sat out back in the gazebo and had dessert and drinks. Tom mentioned how anxious I was because of how badly I was itching to go back inside. I just can't function normally unless she is within earshot of me. I can't ever let my guard down. I suppose this is normal and every mom feels this way. I just wasn't prepared for the amount of space she would occupy in my brain.  How will I ever be able to concentrate at work again without thoughts of her invading everything I do?  My heart goes out to all the mommies who are able to work a full time job and leave their children in someone elses care all day long.  It's going to be quite an adjustment.  I go back to work in 2 weeks and already I am mourning the time I will miss with her.  I want to be there for all her milestones, not get a recap of them from the babysitter. I hope she understands that I had to work to pay for her life. 

Speaking of work, I took Lauren in for a visit to the office last week and everyone just ate her up.  Every time she made a sound, people perked up and scaled their cubicle walls to see a baby!! A baby!... either that or they wanted an excuse to get a break from working but I don't mind either way. She was such a good lil sweetie the whole time.  She didn't cry or whine or explode any substances out of her diaper.  She just happily got passed around from person to person without any complaints. She has days like that and then she has days were all she does is whine and cry and make her little piggy grunting noise.  Those days are the hardest to deal with because she is never satisfied no matter how long I rock her or feed her. There's no keeping her happy. Then there are days when all she does is sleep and she only wakes up long enough to eat then she falls back asleep again.  I like the sleepy days.  Especially when I get these awful debilitating postpartum migraines.  Which reminds me, that is something I need to bring up at my doctors appointment coming up on Tuesday.  Oh yeah, and we definitely need to have a birth control conversation too. 


Honestly, 
Jen