Hello, my name is Jennifer and i am 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. I've decided to write a blog about this "miracle" to chronicle the aches and pains of pregnancy. My hope is that in doing so i will find many other moms who i can identify with along the way.
To my knowledge pregnancy was going to be an amazing world of bliss where i got to bond with my baby inside and feel the magical flutters of life growing and cuddling inside me. I'm not a fool of course so i knew there would be pain involved and perhaps some unpleasant side effects. But i was not prepared at all for the changes i was about to stumble into.
I first became pregnant in January 2009 after several months of trying with my husband of 1 year, Tom. We immediatly fell into each other with giggles and happy thoughts of our little bundle of joy, what to name it, how to raise it, maternity leave, money, immunizations, pediatricians... it goes on and on. We confirmed with a blood test and then called every human we knew who had an ear and a heart about the new journey in our life. The congratulations cards, calls, texts and emails came flooding in. About 7 weeks in, i miscarried the baby and our little dream life was shattered. Then came the summer of gloom. I honestly dont remember a thing from that whole summer. You'd have to remind me what went on because i have no knowledge of it. I walked around like a zombie for months. I gained weight, started drinking heavier, lost sleep and suffered the congratulatory words of people that somehow didnt know what had happened. It was like reliving it to have to tell it over and over. Somewhere along the summer, i still couldnt pick my head up so i decided to fake my recovery. I started a diet plan, exercise plan and started toying with the idea of going to therapy. I threw myself into my fake life and before i knew it i actually started feeling better. But there was still this nagging post traumatic stress that i couldnt shake off. So i decided to enter into therapy for real and also obsessively started researching fertility doctors and treatment. I blamed my anxiety due to it's severity and hoped the therapy would do the trick. The therapy became helpful but she didnt seem to really get that i was just there to lower my anxiety levels for the sole purpose of conceiving a baby. Maybe that was very shallow of me that i thought thats the only issues we would address in therapy. Stupid me! So in september 2009 after a year of trying, counting from the first day we started and trying to look at the miscarriage as not a succesful pregnancy, Tom and i went to a fertility clinic. After meeting with the doctor and finding out that he considered a miscarriage a "success" and we really should have waited until March of 2010 on the anniversary of the miscarriage to start treatment, we were crushed. Here it was a year later still with no baby and this doc is telling me to wait longer!! I had never felt so defeated. He offered to do some testing anyway and we agreed. The plan he gave us was wait for a period and call immediatly to set things up. And thats when it all happened!!! The BIG FAT POSITIVE on October 8, 2009! I stood in shock in the bathroom next to Tom for an eternity just staring at the test. I couldnt believe we were about to go for fertility testing that weekend and now i was pregnant. I quit therapy and called my obgyn. Thats when this new journey all began.
Over the next 20+ weeks i will tell you more about my pregnancy and how this little tiny ball of cells could cause so much pain and misery to a happy expecting mother. :-)
See you next time,
Jen
To my knowledge pregnancy was going to be an amazing world of bliss where i got to bond with my baby inside and feel the magical flutters of life growing and cuddling inside me. I'm not a fool of course so i knew there would be pain involved and perhaps some unpleasant side effects. But i was not prepared at all for the changes i was about to stumble into.
I first became pregnant in January 2009 after several months of trying with my husband of 1 year, Tom. We immediatly fell into each other with giggles and happy thoughts of our little bundle of joy, what to name it, how to raise it, maternity leave, money, immunizations, pediatricians... it goes on and on. We confirmed with a blood test and then called every human we knew who had an ear and a heart about the new journey in our life. The congratulations cards, calls, texts and emails came flooding in. About 7 weeks in, i miscarried the baby and our little dream life was shattered. Then came the summer of gloom. I honestly dont remember a thing from that whole summer. You'd have to remind me what went on because i have no knowledge of it. I walked around like a zombie for months. I gained weight, started drinking heavier, lost sleep and suffered the congratulatory words of people that somehow didnt know what had happened. It was like reliving it to have to tell it over and over. Somewhere along the summer, i still couldnt pick my head up so i decided to fake my recovery. I started a diet plan, exercise plan and started toying with the idea of going to therapy. I threw myself into my fake life and before i knew it i actually started feeling better. But there was still this nagging post traumatic stress that i couldnt shake off. So i decided to enter into therapy for real and also obsessively started researching fertility doctors and treatment. I blamed my anxiety due to it's severity and hoped the therapy would do the trick. The therapy became helpful but she didnt seem to really get that i was just there to lower my anxiety levels for the sole purpose of conceiving a baby. Maybe that was very shallow of me that i thought thats the only issues we would address in therapy. Stupid me! So in september 2009 after a year of trying, counting from the first day we started and trying to look at the miscarriage as not a succesful pregnancy, Tom and i went to a fertility clinic. After meeting with the doctor and finding out that he considered a miscarriage a "success" and we really should have waited until March of 2010 on the anniversary of the miscarriage to start treatment, we were crushed. Here it was a year later still with no baby and this doc is telling me to wait longer!! I had never felt so defeated. He offered to do some testing anyway and we agreed. The plan he gave us was wait for a period and call immediatly to set things up. And thats when it all happened!!! The BIG FAT POSITIVE on October 8, 2009! I stood in shock in the bathroom next to Tom for an eternity just staring at the test. I couldnt believe we were about to go for fertility testing that weekend and now i was pregnant. I quit therapy and called my obgyn. Thats when this new journey all began.
Over the next 20+ weeks i will tell you more about my pregnancy and how this little tiny ball of cells could cause so much pain and misery to a happy expecting mother. :-)
See you next time,
Jen
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