Due date

Today is my due date.  I never thought she would stay inside this long.  Punctuality is very important to me and Lauren has really let her mama down in that department.  Originally I thought I would end up with a c-section due to the placenta previa. But then that corrected so we went back to planning a vaginal birth.  Then she was measuring too small and worried about her growth so I immediatly thought they would induce early. But then she caught up a bit so we scratched that.  So I just continued to wait. It's great that I don't have any complications to warrant an early birth plan but it's hard to wait for her. I really want my doctor to be on call when she's born so that leaves her options at the 19th or the 24th. I really like the idea of having a scheduled birth so I can be mentally prepared. It's extremely frustrating to be home all alone wondering and waiting and thinking it can happen at any moment. Then I would have to call Tom to come home from work and I worry about him driving safetly and getting us to the hospital on time.  Although I'm sure I will have plenty on time. In fact, I plan on showering and getting ready before leaving, assuming the contractions don't come on too fast or too close together.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and then straight over to have a biophysical profile ultrasound. If it is safe to continue the pregnancy, we will schedule to induce on the 24th. If not, I suppose they will take me straight to the hospital? Not really sure how that will work.

As frustrated as I am at waiting, I really am enjoying being home and off my feet.  I like having these few moments to myself before my life gets flipped upside down. I actually had a chance yesterday to sit outside in the sun with some lemonade and do nothing in the middle of the day.  It literally freaked me out.  I don't ever get to enjoy the sun because I'm stuck inside all day at work and I only get a 45 min lunch so I am struggling just to have enough time to buy and eat. The weekends are usually spent sleeping and cleaning and running errands so I don't get to go outside then either.  I think having a child will actually get me outside more because she'll need exercise and playtime and I'll need to be watching her so I'll have a reason to make myself go out.  A kid will make me appreciate life more.  I spend so much time at home avoiding society because of social anxiety that I really miss out on a lot.  With a child in my life, I will want to show her the world and she'll really give me an excuse to participate in life rather than sit it out.  I would do anything for that little girl. 

Honestly Pregnant,
Jen