I decided to get some peace of mind and watch a you tube video of a woman giving birth. Big Mistake!! I started crying and shaking after only a few seconds into the video. I've decided I cannot do this with the amount of anxiety it is causing. I would really benefit from some type of calming medication then maybe I could sleep more than 2 hours a night. I'll have to wait until after she's born to get my doctor to write anything for me. But it's not going to stop me from asking at my appointment on Monday. I'm absolutely terrified. I wish I had a scheduled c-section like all the other mommies-to-be around me. It would take alot of stress off me knowing what day will be the big day and I would feel much better to know that MY doctor will be there instead of using whatever doctor happens to be on call from my practice.
At this point nothing is making me comfortable and nothing is helping the swelling. It is just the nature of the mommy biz I suppose. I'm due in 5 days and I haven't had one contraction yet and I'm not dilated at all. She's slowed her movements a bit. I can feel she's got no room in there. I also feel like she hasn't gotten any bigger. I know my own body is still rapidly growing with all the fluid I'm retaining but I don't feel like she's growing at all. She does feel a bit stronger. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday so we'll know then if she has grown at all. I'm still measuring about a week and a half behind but my doctor says she's ok with it since I am so short.
So far I've tried everything to jump start labor from sex to raspberry leaf tea. She's just a very stubburn little lady. I should take that as a compliment. Apparently I have been quite the good hostess, she's loves it in here. But I mostly feel terrible for Tom. He is stuck by my side now just waiting it out. He's been beyond amazing, coming to every appoitment and changing his work schedule to mine so that we can drive in together. He even drops me off close to the door and then goes and parks and walks by himself into work. Working in downtown Pittsburgh, thats quite a feat. I know I would do it for him if I wasn't pregnant (aka crippled) but I still feel grateful to have him. I've been beached on the couch every spare moment that I'm not at work. In turn that makes him stuck at home too. But really, this is a team effort so I expect him by my side and I know he would never think to not be here. Thanks, babe. You're the best. (PS please buy me vodka when this is over).
I don't think you should expect any more weekly progession pictures. I may sneak another belly one in but I promise you my fat face will not be photographed until labor day, baby labor day that is. So keep your fingers crossed that the next picture will not be of me, but of Lauren...this time on the outside.
Honestly over this,
Jen
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