4 Months & 26 days
Lauren is now almost 5 months old. She came into my life and threw my hormones upside down, bounced them back up, crumpled them into a ball and then squeezed the living shit out of them. But I wouldn't trade her for all the nachos bellgrande in the world. After a small bout of post partum baby blues I began medication and worked my way to an effective dosage that has given me a brand new life. I realized something about myself once I got to that point. See, I'm a very exaggerated, loud and outgoing person. But I finally discovered the reason I was so dramatic was because I was trying to feel. I was faking my emotions. I didn't know how to experience them because I had never felt them. I didnt realize laughter just comes out on it's own when you hear something funny. I thought you created a sound when you were expected to. This must sound ridiculous to you as you read this but that is the truth of the life of someone living with depression. And if you have always felt this way, you don't know any different. So this is what having a child has brought me, not only do I have a new outlook on humanity but I can feel humanity now.
And it is amazing.
Lauren pulls at my heart in ways I didn't know were possible. She is growing so fast and getting cuter by the day. She has mastered head control and most of her hand control. She is very close to rolling over. She has weaned off breastmilk successfully to soy after many attempts to other formulas resulting in many painful side effects. Her little tummy is so extremely sensitive that I had to keep a calendar of her symptoms and formula trials in order to find what works for her. We're now giving her enfamil soy with a daily dose of prune juice to keep things moving. She was so backed up in her belly I had to switch her this morning back to Alimentum to settle her stomach. Last night I made my own pulverized rice cereal and froze it in single serve batches in an ice cube tray. We thawed one and warmed it up with some formula and here was our result: