There's nothing like rigging your jeans closed with a hair tie in the button hole to really make you feel pregnant. 

*sigh*

That was pretty much my highlight of the day.  Or lowlight, depending on how you see it.  Or maybe it was at the playground with Lauren today when an older grandfatherly fellow decided he was going to pluck Lauren right off the slide for going down head first. Apparently he gets to be playground ranger for the day. I suppose we were a bother to him anyway being that we were all by ourselves on a secluded part of the park in the shade. Me and my tiny toddler who is just now really getting the hang of being a two-legged creature.  You know, all alone so she could be safe on the big girl playground. I guess we were quite a bother to his precious grandchildren too when they came storming up and pushed Lauren out of their way. Really I don't understand how to get along with folks like that so I just left before I had the urge to throw cheez-it crackers in his "general" direction. Original flavor of course.

We did get some pictures at the park before we kindly excused ourselves so the heathens could play in peace.

Stay honest,

Jen

Number 2

Here I go doing this all over again. Pregnancy.  Cue the dun dun dun music.

 I vowed to keep up with the blogging throughout Lauren's first year and with all crap that entails raising a newborn to infant to toddler...well you try it.  So this time we're going to have our hands full... literally full, with children. This will be two babies under the age of 2.  Thats two carseats, two sets of mouths to feed, two strollers, two cribs, two crying, whining, pooping, screaming, demanding little darlings all the live long day. That also means two college funds, and two kids telling me what they want and need and must have right now- right now- right now- to keep up with the Joneses.  Oh those Joneses are going to get an earfull from this mama as soon as i have to play the 2016 version of who can buy the most Big Time Rush memoribilia. If your last name is Jones, steer clear of me till this blows over please. Its for your own saftey.

Raising one kid is hard enough so this is going to be quite a sleepless challenging next 19 years of my life. I love being a mother. It brings me the most joy I could have ever wanted out of life. That little girl smiles and my heart skips a beat. So after I take my heart meds and she goes down for a nap, I have the most wonderful memories being that I can block out all the annoying whining this kid tends to do.  Now she doesnt always whine but it's getting more and more frequent with her stubborn refusal to speak.  She's 13 months and I havent heard one actual meaningful word from this child.  Its all "ahhhhhhhhhhhh's". Although her "ahh's" are endearing and lovely, it's getting a bit old and I am quietly counting down the days, minutes, seconds till this kid can say "snack" and i will breathe a sigh of relief and give her an entire truckload of snacks to show her how pleased I am that she didn't ask for some "ahhhhh" again.  It's very hard to cook a healthy and delicious meal of sauteed "ahhh" with a side of "ahhh" when you are puking all the time from this bundle of fun in your belly. My record number of pukes in one day with Lauren was seven.  This new kiddo has made it to five. I'm sure everyone will tell me this means it will be a boy since I am less sick. But really, I've been taking much more zofran this time because it's very difficult to hold it in while reading Goodnight Moon six times in a row so I am all about the prevention.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was quite eventful. Lauren met her little cousin for the first time, went black Friday shopping and learned to sit up. Shes practically full grown, that girl. Although She got a bit confused when I gave her my car keys and said make a left at the liquor store but I suppose she'll learn eventually.

In the car

The holiday brought lots of rain and snow and plenty of turkey my way. Tom and I drove 5 hours in the freezing rain to Elmira, NY to visit my family. We stayed with my brother mike who happens to be an excellent food salter, and his long time girlfriend Becky who can salt food at a regular rate I guess. I met my sister Karen's 3 week old baby Colton Bruce for the first time. He was a tiny squishy little man. All this kiddo does is sleep the day away.

Colton Bruce

He let's out itty bitty moans and yelps and my sister is all "geeze calm down baby" and I'm all "whoa whoa whoa hold on one friggin minute! He's barely audible!!" but I suppose Lauren is just exceptionally loud. She gets it from her mama. I couldn't be more proud. Well maybe if she would just kick that pacifier addiction and get mama her sippy cup.

Fill it up!

Having my family all together for the holidays really was pretty special. I had an amazing time just hanging out in my brothers apartment playing a wicked game of "Dice-capades" in addition to a 20 minute game of "open the wine without a corkscrew" which was really a means of necessity rather than a game. But I'm pretty sure I came out a winner on that one since I drank the whole bottle myself.

Catherine, Me, Karen and Mike

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and got to spend it with family and friends. I'll loan Lauren out to your holiday parties as soon as she masters her bartending skills.



Honestly,

Jen

After my long break from the blogosphere



November 2010
4 Months & 26 days

 Sorry for the long break I took from blogging.  Life kind of got in the way a bit, what with all the lack of sleep and constant parenting required of me. I tried to savor every moment I had to myself.  The last thing I wanted was to sit in front of a computer and type.  But i'm back now so here goes...

Lauren is now almost 5 months old. She came into my life and threw my hormones upside down, bounced them back up, crumpled them into a ball and then squeezed the living shit out of them. But I wouldn't trade her for all the nachos bellgrande in the world. After a small bout of post partum baby blues I began medication and worked my way to an effective dosage that has given me a brand new life. I realized something about myself once I got to that point. See, I'm a very exaggerated, loud and outgoing person. But I finally discovered the reason I was so dramatic was because I was trying to feel. I was faking my emotions. I didn't know how to experience them because I had never felt them. I didnt realize laughter just comes out on it's own when you hear something funny. I thought you created a sound when you were expected to. This must sound ridiculous to you as you read this but that is the truth of the life of someone living with depression. And if you have always felt this way, you don't know any different. So this is what having a child has brought me, not only do I have a new outlook on humanity but I can feel humanity now.
And it is amazing.




Lauren pulls at my heart in ways I didn't know were possible. She is growing so fast and getting cuter by the day. She has mastered head control and most of her hand control. She is very close to rolling over. She has weaned off breastmilk successfully to soy after many attempts to other formulas resulting in many painful side effects. Her little tummy is so extremely sensitive that I had to keep a calendar of her symptoms and formula trials in order to find what works for her. We're now giving her enfamil soy with a daily dose of prune juice to keep things moving. She was so backed up in her belly I had to switch her this morning back to Alimentum to settle her stomach. Last night I made my own pulverized rice cereal and froze it in single serve batches in an ice cube tray. We thawed one and warmed it up with some formula and here was our result:




Before



During



After!

 Keep Smiling,
Jen

Life has been hectic. More to come soon. My apologies.

Mastering The Art Of French Cooking

The other day I mastered the art of French cooking. Ummmm ok so maybe not mastered, more like managed. And instead of French cooking it was more like grilled cheese. And instead of art it was more like balancing an infant in one hand while buttering bread with the other.

We had a nap-tastrophe yesterday. Lauren decided to test how long she could stay awake in one day. From 5:30-8:00 she was wide awake. That's AM to PM by the way. The only thing that made her happy was being held.

By me.

All day.

She dozed off for 10 or 15 minutes throughout the day but those naps are so short they don't even count. I never even had a chance to take a shower. I don't mind holding her. I actually love holding her. But I'm not comfortable with not having the option to put her down without mass hysteria coming out of every pore on her body. I actually put her down in curiosity and watched her scream just to see if I could locate the source of her hatred to being put down. Here is my analysis: Apparently there is a flesh burning substance covering the couch, the chair, the swing, the crib and the pack and play. Of course mommies are immune to this substance, therefore she must cling to me for dear life in order to be safe from touching any horizontal surface. That is, unless it is dark out, the fan is on, the lights are off and i am laying next to her. Then and only then she cant be harmed from it. Obviously that's the only logical explanation.

Obviously.

She's a good baby most of the time so I don't know why we have days like this.  She's actually sleeping soundly next to me right now on her play mat.  Her skin is not burning and she is quite happy. I adore my child but I am trying to adjust to the days where she is grumpy constantly and needs extra attention.  Those days weigh on me so heavily and tire me out and I don't get the chance to recover because she is non-stop in her neediness, understandably.  This is my life now. She will always need me.  I'm happy to be there for her because it's my job as a mom. I just hope someday she has a child that needs to suck on her boobs at 3 in the morning when she's tired and irritable because revenge is so sweet.

Honestly,
Jen

2 Month Letter

Lauren,

Last week you turned two months old. I was too busy to post this letter but I wrote it on time so that should count for something, right? Right. Lauren, My mind can't comprehend ever not having you in my life. The day you were born brought so much completeness in a way that just made so much sense to me. I've always known my purpose in life was to be a mother. Now I know my purpose was to be YOUR mother. In a way, I've always known you. I dreamt of you. I pictured your tiny hands holding mine so tight yet so gentle. Lauren, at only 2 months, you're everything I have ever wanted in a daughter.

This month you started smiling. At first, you would only smile at me and I secretly thought that was the best gift. Then you started showing your daddy that cute little happy face. Now you smile all the time. I can tell you truly know me and recognize me when you look in my eyes. You have a habit of cooing to me ever so softly after I've nursed you. You lock eyes with me and try to make precious little sounds. It seems that you still aren't so sure of yourself yet on how to make that mouth do what you want. And your tongue.... Oh that tongue. Seriously, Lauren you and that tongue. You are like a lizard always with that tongue! You can't even keep your pacifier in your mouth because of your constant need to be a snot and stick your tongue out. I adore it though, unless it's 3am. Then it's time to turn off the cute and turn on the sleep.

You are starting to sleep longer and longer. Except on days when I'm home alone with you. For some reason you stay awake all day only to end up super cranky and tired in the evening. Then daddy comes home and you conk out like you always do with him. You went 5 hours last week (while awake!!) without eating. I find myself panicking inside when you skip feedings. I want you to always be happy and fed. I promise you now, you will never go hungry .... except maybe on the occasion where you refuse to eat my meatloaf with broccoli or when you're a giant pain in the ass and I send you to bed without dinner!



Maybe.

Lauren, without you my house just wouldn't be the same. You taught me to be more patient. You taught me to be more of a participant in life. But most of all you taught me what floor boards creak and how to avoid them. I'm a better person with you, my darling daughter. It's been a pleasure to have these 2 months with you. Now let's get ready for month 3, kiddo! It's going to be a blast!



Love,

Mama